strings

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Do other very pregnant women make New Years resolutions? I just can’t imagine. My expectation for the next year is survival. In an attempt to not be naive about what having a newborn is like I have managed to convince myself that I will never again enjoy a thing. That’s is the proper way to handle things, correct? To prepare for the worst possible outcome. Mark is forever huffy about my “pessimism” but I like to think of it as “realism”. Because it’s definitely realistic to imagine that all the worst things ever are going to happen to me.

As an effort to correct this personality flaw I have been practicing “enjoying the little things”, “living in the present”, “mindfullness”, blah blah blah. (What did we do before we had these catch phrases?)

There have been these moments since I found out that I was pregnant where everything feels eerily calm. My soul settled into this life of mine like a deeply rooted oak. Maybe it’s because I know that everything is about to change in a very big way.  I’ve embraced these moments without effort. The morning sunlight filtering through our jade plant before smacking into our dusty bookshelf. The shadows from the trees in the mid afternoon that dance along to the sound of birds and squirrels. Laying on the couch in the middle of a freshly cleaned apartment with the sound of Mark repeating the same five chords on his mandolin until the are juuuuuuust right. These things shouldn’t seem so special. They are the moments that string together the meaty beads of life. But this year I have snatched up these strings and balled them together. Just as precious to me as those bigger life events that you write in your Christmas card about.

So this resolution of sorts is a simple one. To continue embracing these moments after our little one is here. There will almost certainly be long sleepless nights, frustrating feedings, and endless poop but hopefully there will also be long staring contests and heart crushing finger holds to add to this memory bank of everyday moments.

 

**that was supposed to be the end of this post. But then today I met a lady and like most >40 yo women she was just THRILLED by the site of my big round belly. She asked me the usual questions. When are you due? Do you know what it is? Are you excited? I always answer that last one with “Yes! Also a little nervous” to make sure no one thinks I’m a naive first time mom that thinks having a baby is easy. But she cut me off and said exactly what I needed to hear “Having a newborn is just the most perfect thing. You just turn everything off and stare at them and it’s. just. so. wonderful.”
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